The Friend Zone (No Fly Zone)

Posted: December 7, 2010 in Relationships

It’s been quite some time since I updated this blog, but I have a topic today that we can all relate to: The Friend Zone

“If you not tryna bend, then i’m not ya friend.…… Fuck a friend zone. … ” © Consequence

“Let’s just be friends…,” “I value our relationship too much…,” “You’re like a brother…”

These are just some of the various excuses I’ve heard about why a woman didn’t want to date certain guys since I was about 13. Over the years, these “excuses” have made me think. They made me question whether being the man I was raised to be was worth it? Do women really want thugs or nice thugs? And why can’t a woman have a guy who she knows will do everything for her and still decide to put him in the friend zone, all to date a man who she knows will do nothing but frustrate her?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I’ve finally found the answer.

Are you ready? I’m seriously excited about this. I’m sweatin’ like Eddie Long at a Boy Scout meeting.

Drum roll please…

The reason is this… Actually, I have no f’ing clue.

In the process of writing this piece I learned that every woman has a different reason for why she puts men in the friend zone. The most recurrent reason I’ve heard was that there was “no attraction.” Now as hard of a hit that it is to the ego; it’s real. Despite my massive ego on my manic days, I realize that not every woman wants me. Those that don’t I tend to believe are lesbians but I digress…

Attraction is something that can’t fully be explained like why fried chicken tastes so damn good to black people.

Another reason I’ve found women have put guys in the friend zone was that possibly they weren’t ready for what that person has to offer. Let’s not kid ourselves people, sometimes we claim we want something but we’re really not ready for it. You claim you want to buy a home but you don’t know the real estate climate nor has never contacted a realtor. You claim you want to be rich but you never save money. Sometimes God has to move stuff out of our line of sight for us to appreciate it.

Fellas, I know we get mad when a woman says, “Let’s be friends,” but you have to respect it. If they can’t appreciate you as a suitor then don’t worry about it. Be her friend and learn the real her. Not the fantasy you have about your future family with her. Some on my best female friends I had an interest in when we first met but they didn’t. Then, during the process of being friends, I learned so much dirt about them through their own mouths ain’t no way in hell I’d ever want to date them.

This is what I like to call a Chekov. Chekov is a creative tool that has something mentioned really early in a story or film and then forgotten only to become extremely significant later on. This is why friendship is always the Chekov in relationships. You learn more about people as their friend than you’ll ever learn as their mate.

All in all, I learned that life is too short to live in the past. Nothing is gained by living in a constant cycle of could’ve, should’ve, would’ve. If a woman doesn’t want you don’t sweat it. Cry a river, build a bridge and get over it. Lessons are all around us in life. The problem is that most of us would rather not look and see the lesson. But that’s cool, the lesson will creep up on you soon enough and bite you. When that happens you’ll look for a friend to help take care of the wound. I guess that’s when friend zones feel a little bit better.

Have you ever put someone in the friend zone or been put their yourself? How much does it sting when your feelings for someone else are not reciprocated? Could you maintain a real friendship with someone you had feelings for or would it be too difficult emotionally? Do some people accept the friend zone hoping they can eventually score? Have you ever found yourself attracted to someone you initially only saw as a friend? What changed for you? Or, was there someone you were attracted to but the more you got to know them the more you realized it would have never worked? Is it ever possible to get out of the friend zone or is it truly a dead zone?

Speak your piece…

  1. Me says:

    Lls women put men in a friend zone that are not quite relationship worthy but can be used for something else like money or ventilation

  2. me says:

    That’s life! The “friend zone” is one of the games us women play. So how does it feel to be in that zone? lls

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