6 Things That Look Sexy In Movies, But Aren’t In Real Life

Posted: December 22, 2010 in Relationships, Uncategorized

I’ve never been a fan of movies with happy endings. I’m perfectly fine with a conclusion that includes the bad guy getting away scott free and the good guy reaching an unexpected ending. It’s just more realistic to me, because real life doesn’t get wrapped up in a neat package with a tidy little bow on top.

I know movies are just escapes from reality that give us a chance to forget about our own troubles, but sometimes people confuse the fairytale endings they see on screen with what actually happens to regular folks like you and me. The same happens with all these elaborate sex scenes. Just because you saw DMX put it down on Taral Hicks straight out the shower in Belly doesn’t mean you’ll have the same epic results should you try to recreate the scene…… Well, results may vary based on your sexual skill set, but I digress…

Here are 6 Things That Look Sexy in Movies But Aren’t in Real Life.

FOOD IN THE BEDROOM
Sure, licking sweet sauces and whip cream off your lover sounds like a sensual delight but this is one classic movie cliché that looks way better on screen than it does in practice. Personally, I’ve only used chocolate sauce and whipped cream for deviant desserts back in college, but it made for a real sticky situation and odd-colored stains on my sheets. If you’re not careful with this one you could wind up with ants in your bed when what the ladies really want is Torry between their sheets. 

SEX ON THE BEACH
I was close to testing this one out during one epic Caribbean vacation, but a hotel security guard kept patrolling the beach so me and my lady friend retreated to her hotel room to seal the deal. But from what I’ve heard other than having an even better story to tell, having sex on the beach wouldn’t have lived up to the hype. Sand already has a tendency to get everywhere and let’s just say there are certain places I don’t want those pesky pebbles to go either.

SEX & WATER (POOL, SHOWER, RAIN)
While sex in the rain is still one of my fantasies, if it’s anything like sex in the shower then I might not be missing much. From my experience sharing a shower with your lover is nice in theory but someone always gets stuck in the cold spot. If you actually wind up having sex you’re kind of limited on the positions you can pull off and surprisingly the water tends to dry out my condom (or maybe that’s just me.) Either way I won’t turn down an advance on some aquatic sexual acrobatics. I’m willing to take the cold spot in the shower, but I’d much rather get it in somewhere my feet are firmly planted on solid ground.

SMOKING
This is another movie cliché that’s supposed to make someone look sexy, but truthfully nothing turns me off more than a woman that smokes. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a woman that caught my eye but immediately lost my interest as soon as I saw her taking a long pull of a cancer stick. I’m sorry, the thought of tasting nicotine on a woman’s mouth is def not attractive. I don’t care how many times you brush your teeth I can still taste it so I’ll stick to the non-smoking section

MÉNAGE TROIS
I’ve never had the pleasure of experiencing a threesome… Well, there was that orgy I was almost a part of. but that doesn’t count. Still, while a ménage is supposed to be every man’s fantasy I don’t really think it can work (if you’re in a relationship). I always feel like someone’s going to get left out of the equation at some point and this can’t be something you’d do with a woman you actually care about (definitely not your wife). In the event that you do have a threesome while in a relationship, chances are someone’s going to get jealous and the potential headache just sounds like it’s not worth it in the end. See She Hate Me.

SEX IN A CAR
I’ve done it all in a car, but let’s face it, now that I’m older I feel that sex in a car is reserved for teenagers that don’t have place to go to and not enough cash for a hotel. Albeit, I’m always down for some road head…. Despite what LL said about swingin’ an episode in the backseat of his jeep I’ve never been interested in automotive erotics. Yeah, tow scenes look good in movies, but I’d prefer a little bit more room to get it in. Besides I’m way too old to be getting arrested for indecent exposure for trying to get my rocks off in some dark alley.

Have you ever tried to recreate any of the above movie sex scenes/acts? If so, where they all that they were cracked up to be? Do you agree that most of these things are sexier on screen than they are in real life? Do you have a problem with bringing food into the bedroom? Does sand really get everywhere when you get down on the beach? Are you turned off by smokers? Would you advise someone on having a ménage trios with someone they actually cared about? When is too old to have sex in a car? What would you add or take off this list?

Speak your piece…

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